I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
