Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
