sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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