i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
