Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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