He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
