fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
