I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
