why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
