I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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