my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
