I feel like abortions should bother me more
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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