You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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