oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
