dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
