she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
