btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
