No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
