woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
