"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize