Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Drunk is a universal language darling
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
