Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
