is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
