No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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