Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
