I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize