I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
