So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
