a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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