Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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