i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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