So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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