True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
