Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
