She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
