One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
