Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
