I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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