My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
