You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
