Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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