Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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