it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
