we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
