coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
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