so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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