Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
