about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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