take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
