"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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