I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
