i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize