What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
