I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
