When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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