He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
