Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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