I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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