I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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