you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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