I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I need a beard to bite.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize