I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
