Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Houston, we have a blender
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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