Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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