I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Randomize
