id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
