oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
