No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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