Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It's shark week go big or go home
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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