i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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