tell your sister to shave her snatch
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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