Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize