im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
