So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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